I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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