Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize