good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
