Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
