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I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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