last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
