I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
