stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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