Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
