I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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