plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
