If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This house was built for laser tag.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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