so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
