somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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