i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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