if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
