come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
