when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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