so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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