i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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