i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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