"it" just moved
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize