so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
