I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
