Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
