this beer tastes like vomit already
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
