My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
