I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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