I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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