SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
