I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
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Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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