Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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