His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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