I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
