I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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