High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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