Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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