You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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