The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
