the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
