Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
