The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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