I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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