The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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