I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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