Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary