I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They have beer where we have blood.