Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.