after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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