he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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