I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab