I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?