After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are