Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.