I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
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I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.