totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
