Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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