Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
